“Would you mind if I picked your brain?”
You get this question, I’m sure. You’re an attorney. Or an accountant. Or a doctor. You’re a senior manager or a business owner. You have experience. You have knowledge. And now someone wants to tap into that knowledge. For free. Do you let him?
This is how you earn your living, isn’t it? And now, just because it’s after hours and drinks are being served, this complete stranger thinks it’s OK to basically get free advice from you. He has a problem. He’s looking for help. He knows that you charge for this kind of advice. But he doesn’t seem to care. What’s a couple questions, anyway, between friends? What other reasons are there to network than to meet new people and learn new things, right?
So what do you do when this situation occurs? You can be a jerk and tell the guy that you’re more than happy to help him if he wants to call the next day to schedule an appointment. Or you can just give in and offer him the advice that he wants. You can act annoyed. Or you can be gracious. You can turn and walk away in disgust. Or you can put down your drink, ask the guy to take off his shirt, and examine that strange looking hairy mole on his back right there in the middle of the party. What’s the best move?
How about this move: you thank the person for asking and offer whatever advice you can.
You earn plenty. You have customers and clients. You’re doing fine. Yes, of course you’d like to be doing better. And yes, it’s human nature to not want to give something away for nothing. And sure, there will be some people that will take advantage of your kindness. But you’re fortunate. You are making a living. And here’s a complete stranger that is asking you for help. And you genuinely may be able to help this person. So help him. Let him pick your pick brain, because two things will come out of it.
- You’ll feel better about yourself because giving is always better than getting. That’s your humanitarian and benevolent side. You’re a good person. And you care about others. This is doing something nice.
- You’ll get your money in the end. Maybe you’ll never see that guy again. Or maybe that guy will appreciate your advice and think you are so smart that he’ll be calling you first thing the next day to offer a million dollar contract. That probably won’t happen. But what will likely happen is that he’ll eventually walk away appreciating your help and valuing your knowledge. He will tell others. He will remember. Someone in his network of friends will have a similar hairy mole on their back and ask him for a recommendation or remember that he liked you. What comes around really does go around.
So let people pick your brain. Give your advice away for free. Don’t get defensive and don’t be annoyed. Be grateful instead. This is not a burden. It’s an opportunity to help. You’ll get your compensation someday. I guarantee it.
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View Comments (33)
Hi Sandor,
Trust me - I've been there too. We've done unpaid project plans and forecasts and other things in good faith for both current and prospective clients only to have them say "thanks" and then move forward with our work on their own. To me, it's just a cost of doing business. Sometimes people are going to be that way - if we do work with them in the future, I find a way to bake in some of the time from the past and make it back. If we never do any work I chalk it up to practice for the next paying client.
Hope that helps.
Sandor Strohmayer | July 23, 2019 at 11:34 pm
I teach and develop training programs. Several weeks ago I had a phone conversation with a consulting group that uses my services. They asked me how I would structure a lucrative 12 week training program intonating that I would do some of the work. I spent two days developing the program. They said they reviewed it, but they were not going to use it. They implemented it.the project as I had presented it without using me.
How do you protect yourself?
A very wise man once told me, "always do / be / give to the best of your ability" - you'll never have to say, I should have … This holds true when asked to give advise, help someone, with work or family and friends. For the most part, I do my best to live by this piece of advice. It was from my dad - when I was little and he gave me a task to do that I didn't think I could handle. I failed - dad gave me a hug for trying my best and told me the next time it would be easier. A little bit of knowledge shared goes a long way to making the world a better place. Twenty plus years and I still miss my dad every day!
Thanks for sharing that nice story!
ABSOLUTELY!!!!
I have been in business 36 years and have always tried to help when someone asks. I own a appliance service business and also sell parts over the counter. I get people everyday asking what is wrong with my refrigerator or washer? yes many times I will tell them I can't diagnose it over the phone but this could be problem. I make the sale of parts or get them scheduled for us to come out. But many times they say they can find the part cheaper on line or I just never hear from them again. So it goes both ways, My husband when he was alive started this and I have never changed the habit but that was before you could really find stuff on internet. I have had to back off helping too much unless I feel I will make the sale. Definite pros and cons of doing it.
So satisfying to see this and I wholeheartedly agree! Just one note of caution. Set a limit in your mind, so you do not get too fatigued or spend too much time that it interferes with your work, or other important time.
Thanks for the response Leslie!
As environmental consultants, we've learned the hard way to be cautious about giving free advice. We thought we were being helpful, but when the person called a 3rd time we realized they were simply using us for information & cutting us out as the potential consultant for a large commercial project that was experiencing complex problems.
It's common for us to have several potential clients call during the week & drill us for free advice. We now answer their questions with basic information but make it clear that to give a definitive assessment of their situation we MUST first do a comprehensive, on-site investigation - and be very firm about it. We've even had to politely cut off the conversation, tell them "good-bye" and hang up. There's far too much liability in this field to allow a client to play the "well, what if..." game.
Thanks for sharing Kate!
I am always willing to help a potential customer, even if that potential is vague or slim. What frustrates me is other business people wanting to get into my profession who want my advice. These are potential competitors, and while I believe the pie is big enough to share, I get so many requests for advice that it becomes burdensome at times. If I say I'm happy to help but need to schedule something several weeks out, those folks think I'm a jerk. It's hard to know where to draw the line.
That advice may work fine for some people, but when you're well known in your field, you have to say no...a lot. There's just not enough time to both run your business and respond to all the requests for free consulting. I have a popular blog (~15k pageviews per day lately) and get a lot of phone calls and emails from strangers who want me to solve their problems. I give away plenty in the blog, in person, and occasionally I'll respond to one of those emails or voicemails.
So, sometimes it actually IS a burden, not an opportunity.
Great point!
It is the grey areas that are difficult. Offering a stranger some needed advice is no problem. What about business associates or customers that want to get this information without paying for it? As a systems integrator we have customers that want to do some
of the work "in house" and only call when they need us. These are the tricky areas.
Good point Greg!
I am an HR Manager working for an amazing commercial cleaning company and we have a few sub contractors that work for us, some of them are new and often stop in to my office to pick my brain about certain situations or even to ask for a certain form that they can use. I love love helping out wherever I can, the best feeling is being able to empower someone.
That's great Carmen! Thanks for sharing.